The whole secret of life is to be interested in one thing profoundly and in a thousand things well. — Horace Walpole

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself. — A. H. Weiler

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to ninety-nine cents a can. That’s almost $7.00 in dog money. — Joe Weinstein

The purpose of life is to fight maturity. — Dick Werthimer

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. — Alfred North Whitehead

There’s no point in being grown up if you can’t be childish sometimes. — Doctor Who

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. — Oscar Wilde

One should absorb the colour of life, but one should never remember its details. Details are always vulgar. — Oscar Wilde

Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event. — Oscar Wilde

Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event. — Oscar Wilde

The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius. — Oscar Wilde

It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information. — Oscar Wilde

To disagree with three-fourths of the British public is one of the first requisites of sanity. — Oscar Wilde

It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious. — Oscar Wilde

When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers. — Oscar Wilde

Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast. — Oscar Wilde

Why was I born with such contemporaries? — Oscar Wilde

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. — Oscar Wilde

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal. — Oscar Wilde

Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace. — Oscar Wilde

Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality. — Oscar Wilde

One is tempted to define man as a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason. — Oscar Wilde

Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about. — Oscar Wilde

Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected. — Oscar Wilde

Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings. — George F. Will

Spring is natures way of saying ‘Let’s party.’ — Robin Williams

The coward dies a thousand deaths, the brave man…only five hundred. — Meredith Willson

The ear of the leader must ring with the voices of the people. — Woodrow Wilson

Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. — David T. Wolf

Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure. — George Edward Woodberry

What’s another word for ‘Thesaurus’? — Steven Wright

I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included. — Steven Wright