No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you’ll see why. — Mignon McLaughlin

A writer is a person for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people. — Thomas Mann

If you make people think they’re thinking, they’ll love you; but if you really make them think, they’ll hate you. — Don Marquis

Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others. — Groucho Marx

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception. — Groucho Marx

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. — Groucho Marx

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. — Groucho Marx

From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. — Groucho Marx

I sent the club a wire stating, ‘PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON’T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.’ — Groucho Marx

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it. — W. Somerset Maugham

It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull. — H. L. Mencken

There is always a well-known solution to every human problem–neat, plausible, and wrong. — H. L. Mencken

The government consists of a gang of men exactly like you and me. They have, taking one with another, no special talent for the business of government; they have only a talent for getting and holding office. — H. L. Mencken

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. — H. L. Mencken

After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations. — H. L. Mencken

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing. — H. L. Mencken

An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. — H. L. Mencken

Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking. — H. L. Mencken

You pay the right people, loopholes will appear. — Tom Merrit, Buzz Out Loud

I think there always is rational debate amongst some. And then I think there always is extreme ridiculousness amongst many. — Tom Merrit, Buzz Out Loud

Read, every day, something no one else is reading. Think, every day, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to be always part of unanimity. — Christopher Morley

To be listened to is, generally speaking, a nearly unique experience for most people. It is enormously stimulating. It is small wonder that people who have been demanding all their lives to be heard so often fall speechless when confronted with one who gravely agrees to lend an ear. Man clamors for the freedom to express himself and for knowing that he counts. But once offered these conditions, he becomes frightened. — Robert C. Murphy

My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. — Mike Myers