We have so much time and so little to do. Strike that, reverse it. — Roald Dahl

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. — Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. — Rodney Dangerfield

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her. — Rodney Dangerfield

It’s an homage, which is the modern word for ‘we ripped off’. — Dick DeBartolo, The Daily Giz Wiz

We all have strength enough to endure the misfortunes of others. — Francois de La Rochefoucauld

The height of cleverness is to be able to conceal it. — Francois de La Rochefoucauld

We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones. — Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person? — Francois de La Rochefoucauld

To pretend, I actually do the thing: I have therefore only pretended to pretend. — Jacques Derrida

I love being a writer. What I can’t stand is the paperwork. — Peter De Vries

The murals in restaurants are on par with the food in museums. — Peter De Vries

There are times when parenthood seems nothing but feeding the mouth that bites you. — Peter De Vries

If there were no bad people there would be no good lawyers. — Charles Dickens

The most dangerous strategy is to jump a chasm in two leaps. — Benjamin Disraeli